I was in an emotionally abusive marriage, even as an intuitive and successful woman!
In the seemingly picture-perfect world of social media, it's easy to assume that everyone's lives are flawless, but the truth is far more complex. Behind closed doors, many of us face battles we never anticipated, challenges that test our resilience and redefine who we are. This is the story of my journey through an emotionally abusive marriage, my struggle to reclaim my brand, and the unexpected silver lining that emerged from the darkest of clouds.
On the surface, I appeared to have it all (at least that’s what I’ve been told) – a thriving, loving, and seemingly happy marriage. But behind it all, I was trapped in a toxic relationship with (what I later discovered) an undiagnosed covert narcissist. For two years and four months, I endured manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse, and infidelity all while trying to maintain the “illusion” of a happy marriage.
The toll on my mental state was immense – the confident, capable woman I once knew myself to be seemed to fade away with each passing day. I lost my job literally five days after we got married. I had caught a charge, for laying hands on my husband’s second ex-wife (a whole notha story). I needed to go back to work but I could not find a job with a pending charge/case. I was gaining weight. My children were not happy. I was struggling to keep my business afloat. The arguments were non-stop. My husband quit his job. The bills were piling up. I felt all the financial pressure. It was a mess. I was a mess.
It wasn't until I gathered the courage to ask my husband to leave because he was not pulling his weight and I felt unappreciated, that I began to realize the truth about our marriage. As I sifted through the wreckage of our relationship, I discovered that it had been built on lies and manipulation from the very beginning. The life that we had created together was nothing more than an illusion, carefully crafted to hide the cracks beneath the surface. I think it’s very important to note that: Five days after I asked him to leave, I was offered a leadership position at a non-profit organization on the spot.
I believe in reconciliation. I went a few months going back and forth attempting to work things out. During this time, I discovered my husband had been unfaithful to me. Not just with one woman, but multiple women. Both emotionally and physically. The final blow came when I had to accept that my cheating husband left me in the middle of the night to start a new life with one of his mistresses. No goodbye. No apology. No nothing. In the wake of this betrayal, I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about myself, my life, his life, and our marriage. I almost wanted to give up on my dreams, go off the grid, and to let the darkness consume me entirely. And I almost did.
But just when it seemed like there was no light left, a glimmer of hope appeared on the horizon. The day I filed for divorce, I received a phone call that would change everything – a school district director whom I had been cultivating a relationship for two years, asked me where have I been and after telling her all that I had been through over the past few months, she wanted me to submit a proposal to teach a workshop. I submitted my proposal, only for her to come back to let me know that she had a bigger opportunity for me and that resulted in a contract for over $8000. In that moment, I realized that even during my darkest days, there was still beauty and possibility waiting to be discovered. Going forward, I anticipate more phone calls and more opportunities to flow my way, simply because I’m choosing to do it God’s way this time around. I’ve started writing the book that is not only helping me through the healing process but I’m certain that it’ll help others. I have other speaking engagements lined up for the year. I’m more focused than I’ve ever been.
My journey through the storm was far from easy, but it taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, self-love, the power of hope, and being obedient to God even when we don’t fully understand it. I learned that I was stronger than I ever thought possible and that even in the darkest of times, there is always a flicker of light waiting to guide us home.
As intuitive as I am, I couldn't understand how I had ended up in such a situation, initially. I questioned my judgment at times, wondering how I could have been blind to the red flags that were glaring in hindsight. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to take accountability for my decision-making. I see where my decision-making has led me. I see where ignoring my intuition has not served me. So going forward, I must make better decisions. It’s that simple.
As women, we often keep our pain to ourselves. We don't want to burden others with our struggles and emotions, so we plaster on a smile for the world to see. But deep down, we might be hurting more than anyone realizes.
That's why it's so important for us to start talking about this openly and bravely sharing our stories.
As the founder of a brand called "No Excuse Today," it was especially important for me to share my struggles openly and authentically. After all, the very essence of my brand revolves around breaking free from excuses and embracing empowerment and accountability.
By sharing my own journey through an emotionally abusive marriage, I not only demonstrated the values of transparency and vulnerability that are central to my brand, but I also showed others that it's possible to overcome even the most daunting challenges with courage and resilience.
Through my story, I am able to inspire others to confront their own excuses and take ownership of their lives. I‘m showing you that it's okay to acknowledge our struggles and imperfections, and that true strength lies in our ability to face them head-on.
Furthermore, by sharing my experiences, I created a sense of community and solidarity among my audience. I let them know that they're not alone in their struggles and that together, we can support each other on our journeys towards healing and empowerment.
In essence, sharing my struggles was not only important for my personal healing and growth, but it also aligned perfectly with the core values and mission of my brand, "No Excuse Today."
So to anyone out there who feels trapped in a toxic relationship, who wonders if they'll ever find their way back to themselves – know that you are not alone. You have the strength within you to break free from the chains that bind you and to create a life filled with love, joy, and abundance. Your journey may be difficult, but it is not impossible, and the rewards that await you on the other side are worth every step of the way.
xoxo,
Javonne
#noexcusetoday
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you found it helpful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might benefit from hearing this story.
Just so you know, I've got a solid support system in place that's been there for me every step of the way. I'm not actively seeking new resources, hiring recommendations, or a diagnosis of what I've been through.